It’s so strange listening to a recording of myself after consuming three [strong] dried grams of psilocybin mushrooms (post six hour fast). I tend to hate the way mushrooms feel in my gut, especially on an empty stomach, but I wanted to honor the late, great Terence McKenna.
I don’t recognize the confidence in my voice or the uppity way in which I spoke during the recording, so I’m transcribing and deleting the damn audio. There’s lots of sing-songy phrasing and hissing (don’t ask). I don’t know if it’s all me or I’m channeling and responding to Source or some other expression of my soul. Whoever is speaking, I hope it makes some kind of sense for you. And so we begin…
Where do we go when this body is no more? Have some mushrooms and you’ll see. Drink Ayahuasca and you’ll see.
So when this wears off and I am back in the illusion of Jasmine, then what? How do we get Jasmine to stop hurting her body? Stop making a hole in your head Jasmine (I have a fidgeting habit of picking skin off of my thumbs, biting my lip, and scratching my scalp so bad I had created a bald spot). Love yourself instead. Love yourself instead, you silly girl. Love yourself. Marry you.
See beyond what others see just like you always did. You always knew. Jasmine, you always knew. But it’s just a matter of once this mushroom wears off being the fierceness that I feel while under the influence – being this rainbow kaleidoscope of immortality. Sharing this with the world. Oh yeah, all that means ego, right? We don’t want ego. There’s nothing to share. Just be you. Just be…just be you, and the rest will come once you are you.
Trust the Goddess and come back for a reminder when you need. Anytime you need the reminder, we are here honey. Any time you need to be reminded of your fierceness outside that body, your fierceness while you’re in that body. You can still make magic while you’re in this body. You are magic while you are in this body. And you get to feel it through incredible sex with others that are just as connected, or want to be. Chad? Hmm, he’s not connected. But he was good looking. But he stopped giving you what you need a long time ago. Let go of that pattern. Let go of that pattern, please. Let go of the need to please a man. Let go of that need to live for others, who you think they want you to be.
What I’m seeing right now is truth; it cannot be concocted in one person’s mind. This is everything. This is everyone. This is Source. This is Source speaking! I’m a woman. I am a man. I am everythangggg (singing). I made you all with just a thought (laughter). You are all for my amusement, mmhmm. And mushrooms let you in on this great cosmic joke. Not many people are laughing though, but that’s okay. I still love you. I still love. I still enjoy your music. I still enjoy your art. I still enjoy, I don’t know, whatever you fee like doing to the planet. It doesn’t matter. It fucking doesn’t matter what you do. I am above you all. I’m above your religions. I’m above your beliefs. I am you… you are me….. we are weeeeee in harmony (evidently Barney the dinosaur is Source?).
There’s gonna be evil. There’s gonna be ugly. Don’t you see that you need it – you need it all. You need it all while you’re in that body. You need those things to feel important. But when you’re done with that body, no matter what you believe, I’m in control. I decide. There’s no getting in my good graces. You need not worry about those things. Let those worries fall away. One love as they say, one love. One love: My love.
Every time you’re born, every time you die, it doesn’t matter. Samsara doesn’t matter. Karma doesn’t matter. Just be happy you got the chance. Just be happy you got the pain. And do as many mushroom trips as you can. Do as much Ayahuasca as you can.
Marry if you like. Pretend to follow a God. Do whatever you want. It’s all entertainment to me. You are all for my amusement. You and your petty problems. They are nothing in the grand scheme of things. Your pain is nothing in the grand scheme of things. We are nothing in the grand scheme of things. But we are something because we are here experiencing thissssss (hiss), so there’s that. There’s that. We are putrid, we are beautiful, all at once. We are rotting flesh and we are rebirth all at once. We are the mystery of communication. We talk too much, we think too much. mmmm (moan), I talk too much. I think too much. I-I-I (laughter). All so beautiful.
I think about connecting with my grandfather. I think about connecting with other spirits so I can bring comfort to myself and others. But I know the cosmic joke (singing). How do I keep that to myself? Oh yeah, once I sober up it becomes much easier to go back into silly habits. So this is my chance, my little window.
Chad? You deserve better. You deserve better than thisssss (hiss). Chad. Right? That’s what my ego wants me to admit. That’s what this body thinks is important. How I let someone down. What a silly thing to consume yourself with. What a silly fucking thing to care about…in the grand scheme of things. When you see what really is outside of what you think is the world, you know it’s illusion. Chad falls away. Jasmine falls away. This planet falls away.
But while I’m here, I wanna do more, obviously. I want to mean something, right? Got my responsibilities like the dogs need to be let out, and we have to eat something. We don’t want anyone to mess up the house. Such silly things we make important. Such silly things, but it makes time in this body interesting.
So Jasmine as you sober up, and as you start to worry about what am I supposed to do for a living to make money? It doesn’t fucking matter. It’s all an illusion. But when I sober up, I want to have a backbone. I want to have a voice (hiss). (laughter). I want to have experiences. While I’m in this form, I want to have experiences.
(Outside with dogs). How’s the Matrix doing today? So many things don’t matter. So many thing don’t matter but Jasmine makes them matter. Jasmine wants to be special. Jasmine wants to think that there’s something about Jasmine that’s special. Mmm, there’s nothing special. There’s nothing special (laughter). Enjoy the ride.
(I’m fumbling with my cell phone, but having difficulties). This was the dream. This was the dream that I was having problems with my phone. This is the dream…it doesn’t matter. Stop making it matter. Stop trying to make sense. Just be. Just be. And enjoy the ride ‘cuz it’ll be over soon.
But while you’re in the ride, don’t you wanna do more than just watch TV? Don’t you wanna do more than just worry about if you’re eating the right food. Who cares if the planet is a sphere or flat. Who cares? Who cares? So when you’re worried about that dream, that recurring dream where you can’t get the code right on your cell phone, or you can’t quite use your phone, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.
You are a being and I am a being and we are souls. (talking to my dog). Let us go inside and let us pretend there’s an inside and an outside. Are you sick because I’m sick? (dog had to puke or eat more grass). Are we that connected, you and I? Why you and I, and not me and the man that I think I’m supposed to be connected to? Why me and a dog are more connected than me and my own husband? Probably because she’s smart enough to eat plants and to see the truth. Too many people don’t want to see the truth. So I guess you are special Jasmine. You are special after all. You get to see this truth, just like Terence McKenna got to see this truth. You get to see it, but don’t go thinking you’re special. Uh huh, “It’s” special. The plants are special. Mother Nature’s special. They have a language far superior to English.
I guess it was a heroic dose for me anyway. But that’s okay, I know I’m safe. I know I’m safe because no one’s here to witness thissss (hiss), except my dawg. I hope you’ll understand in the event you have to go with Daddy (talking to my dog again). I hope you’ll understand that I had to be free. But what is free in the grand scheme of things? Sorry you’re not feeling well Shushi. Sorry for what you’ve been through as a child (not quite sure I’m still talking to my dog or myself). It wasn’t easy. But it was a test. You made it through all those things. If you made it through then you are surely strong enough to take this. It doesn’t matter. Just sit with the possibility that nothing matters.
Yeah…there’s that drive to take a breath again. There’s that drive to see another sunset, but it’s ego. When you witness through the plants everything else falls away – it’s all an illusion. And if you accept that it’s all an illusion, but you still got bills to pay. So of course you wanna figure out your place in the Matrix. You want to matter because you’re human. You want to matter. You want to build things. You want to say “I made this. I have this legacy. My name’s on it.” But language, your name, it’s all bullshit. Apple is bullshit.
Those annoying pesky reminders that you always heard when you were little – nag, nag nag. That’s your ego, but your ego can be your friend. I already know that. I already know that, but other people don’t know that. So, how do I get that across to the people? The silly people that want to think silly things matter? How do I lovingly get the message across in a way that they’ll understand in bits and bytes? Through music, through art, there’s glimpses of it. But Jasmine, the plants help you see what really is important. The plantsss show you. The plants show you.
So use your writing, use your voice. But the people that can’t see won’t see. You know that. You married that. Just be happy YOU got to see. Be happy you got to see the truth. Mmm, just be happy. Enjoy the dreams. Enjoy the lucidity. Enjoy the sex, and the food, and the art, and enjoy each other. It’ll all fall away, I promise (hiss). It’ll all fall away, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be in control. It’s okay to not need to understand. It’s okay to accept – just breathe in the truth and nothing matters.
I’m gonna dream up a better life for myself while in this body. I’m gonna dream up everything good. I’m gonna dream up, well, it doesn’t make sense for it to just be good – you need the bad to see what’s good right? I think I need a big cock to bring me pleasure? Hell no. There are pleasures beyond what a mere penis can do. Why do we give so much power to the penis? It’s silly. It’s all silly. It needs to be important to you – I get that. It needs to make some kind of sense.
It’s all about love if you choose it. Love outweighs the fear. Love outweighs everything. It’s the love. It’s all about love Jasmine. Purge everything else but love, Jasmine. Let it all go. It doesn’t serve you. Let it all go. Only love can stay in this body. Only love can be in this body. Everything else must go that does not serve. Love this body. I finally let you go of this body. I finally let you go….that which does not serve the body. (trying to purge). Don’t fight anymore. It’s all love here. You’re safe. So go. Go to the love that’s been wanting you all along. Make yourself available to the love. Let go what’s not love. Let go of all that isn’t love.
I know why the snakes have come. I know. The message is clear. The message is clear. It’s time, it’s time to accept love. You deserve love, don’t you? Accept it. I accept it. I accept love. Thank you. I accept it. Purge what is not good for this body. I purge what is not good for this body. I purge what is not good for this body. I purge what is not good for this body. Mmm, this body. While I’m in this body, respect this body. (heavy breathing).
I am the chosen few. Ha ha ha ha haaa. And you will never understand our little language. You’ll never understand unless you take it. Take a dose of the truth. Take a dose of the truth. Mmm. Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the ride. Respect the ride. And purge what is not love. Purge what is not love.
Is Chad love? Why do I deny myself real love? Stop denying yourself real love. Purge what is not real. Purge what is not love. Set free what is not love. Set it free. It’s not serving you. (crying). I am free of all those ugly things. I am free of my past. I am free of my future. I am free cuz I am Love. I am all love, and it’s okay. I am all Love. Accept Me! Accept Me! Accept pure love. If you just accept it nothing else matters. If you just accept love nothing else matters. It all falls away. Just accept It, Jasmine (crying). Just accept Love. It’s so much more than this body. It’s so much more than what you think is important. It’s so much more.
Oh God! What an incredible gift we have been given. We are just all a chance at accepting love. We are all a hiccup. It’s just about accepting love. It’s just about accepting ‘what is’ because it’s all love. Even the pain is love. Even every wretched thing is love – it’s all love. And It’s so beautiful. So purge those tears. Purge what does not serve and then when you come to realize love. Love brought everything into existence. Love, painful love, painful love (crying).
Oh, the birth…the pain of birth. The pain of death: It’s all about Love. It’s all a beautiful dance of love. (serious tears coming now). Thank you! Thank you for this chance. Thank you for Love. Thank you! Thank you so much for even the physical pain because it’s all so beautiful. It’s a beautiful dance.
Enjoy the mushrooms. Enjoy what the planet has put out for you, which is the animals and the plants. Just enjoy the heartache and the beauty. The rest falls away into the dance. The plants remind you that it’s all about love. The plants help you see. Just like…the dogs know. The dogs know when they need to go to the plants to purge. The dogs know. So during those hard times in your life, the plants will call. The plants call you back because it’s all part of the dance. It’s all part of the dance. There’s no judgments, it’s just love. See love in everything. Even in the pain see love. See love, it made it all into existence. See the love.
People are fighting over land and water, just see love. Just see love. When people are fighting over who’s the best candidate, just see love. Everything else can fall away. Just accept the love (spit). Everyone going through their own shit – just accept the love. You are not alone. We are literally in this shit together because we are one. There is no “other!” Divorce the idea there’s an “other”. we are all one. just accept the love, purge everything else. It’s all love. It’s all about love.
You will move on from this. Nobody gets out of this unscathed. Nobody gets out of this. Nobody’s more special than someone else. But if you just accept the call, accept the call and see I welcome you to see the beauty, but you gotta accept it. I try to show you glimpses. Accept it. Accept the love. I accept the love. I accept because it’s pure, and trust that it will take care of me. Trust. Trust.
Only accept love into this body. Only accept beauty and love into this vessel. Let everything unloving fall away. Let everything that isn’t love fall away. You just trust. And you just love. Just trust and love, and you’re gonna be okay. All of those past lives I was trying to share the truth – that’s what got me killed. Just trust and keep it to yourself because the masses are afraid. The masses can’t take it. Just trust – nothing else matters but love. It’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful and it’s pain and tragedy, and birth and death, and birth and death. Such a beautiful dance that I’ve been able to witness time and time again. I’ve been able to witness it because I am It. I am Source. Source is within us all. Source is within us all. Just stop fighting. Nothing else matters, but love and connecting to Source. There’s no right way or wrong way. It all connects back to source. It’s all okay. It’s all the right path because it’s all love. It’s all love, it’s eternal. It’s eternal. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just is what it is and it’s beautiful. It’s so painfully beautiful. It’s so beautiful. Accept Love. I accept It. I accept It. It’s beautiful and I purge what’s bad, but it isn’t even bad…It’s all love. Just love. It’s all love. It’s all love.
It’s all an illusion. but love’s not an illusion. Love is real. We all want it. And it’s Source. You don’t need to blame Mommy. You don’t need to blame Daddy. It’s all Source. It’s just waiting for you. It loves you so much. It even loves you through pain. Just accept it. Just accept love. It’s so beautiful. We are all beautiful. There is no ‘aspiring to be’, you just are. You just are beautiful. Stop judging, stop comparing – it’s all Love…if you just accept It. We are Source. We just tap in. We can always feel It.
I want to tap in obviously. I want to connect with people that want to tap in. Bring people into my existence that want to tap in. It’s as simple as accepting and bringing it in to manifest it for yourself. Just manifest it for yourself, Jasmine. Okay. As Source I bring beauty into my life – not just in glimpses, but always. And I make it so. And it is so. It is so.