I’ve kept my goals to study spirituality and sexuality somewhat under wraps. I wasn’t quite sure how I would feel once I settled in to my new home. But the desire to expand my consciousness through meditation, prayer and Tantra is growing. I resonate strongly with both sex and spirit, especially after my work with plant medicines Ayahuasca and Psilocybin, and I’m determined to connect the two in my life.
I have my hopes set on an integrative sex coach certificate that starts in 2018, but there are only so many people accepted into the year long program. In the meantime I’ve signed up for a 7 week online course on spirituality and using Divine Light to improve your life and connection to Source, God or the Universe. I’m also active in Meetup.com again – starting my own group as well as attending others. I recently participated in an introductory class on Tantra, which I enjoyed very much (more information on what I learned below). The presenters were very warm, welcoming and professional, and I felt very comfortable with them and other attendees.
I learned that Tantra encompasses so much more than just sex. And that tantric/sacred/conscious sex is not about performance or having any expectations or end goal in mind. In fact, you don’t want to be in your mind at all. Tantra is all about the weaving of energy within your body if you’re practicing on your own, or between two bodies if you’re partnered. I also learned that a woman needs to be penetrated through her heart before she can fully surrender and reach orgasm through her yoni (vulva). (That explains a whole hell of a lot.) And that you better make sure she is dripping wet naturally before even thinking about penetrating her.
The opposite is the case for men, where the way to a man’s heart is through the lingam (penis). It was suggested that at the start of the man’s erection their partner should use a somewhat firm grip to hold and slightly pull down on the penis to relieve that initial pressure.
I took some notes on the six steps to the spiritual tantric practice:
- Ritual – you want to prepare the space, treat it like a sex church where you are about to meet God/Spirit/Divine within your beloved. We have busy lives so this is the one place you must remove all those layers of stress first and foremost. Clean and clear the room of any clutter. Take a shower or bath and imagine that you are cleansing yourself of all worries or expectations. (We performed a little exercise where we paired off and looked into each other’s left eye in order to see the Divine within. After a short pause we were instructed to either place our hands on our heart or slightly bow to acknowledge and honor the Divine within our partner.)
- Sacred Space – honor the space as a holy place, declare it sacred aloud. Remove all cell phones. There are no expectations, end goals or time pressure. Light candles, burn incense, and/or play music. Make sure the temperature is comfortable.
- Intentions – now that your setting has been prepared, take the time to set your intention. Speak aloud to your partner what you would like him to do in the session, or if you would to embody the God or King (or panther “rawr”) within him during your love making. This helps start the build up of sexual energy, and when done with intent you can feel/sense the shift in your partner.
- Presence – this one is interesting because even though it was listed as number four presence is vital throughout all the steps. The importance of Ritual is to shed all the bullshit so you can become present with your partner, but you must remain present and mindful throughout. To become present in this step, we were told to close our eyes to shut out distractions, become conscious of our breath, and turn our focus inward first. When we are ready we open our eyes and place a hand on our partner, gazing directly on the area we are touching, becoming fully present in mind (thought) and body (touch) on that area. The sensation intensifies with presence, even more so with the addition of sound (like a sigh or “Mmm”).
- Love – love is an energy and a state of being that is always present within you. So it’s obvious it should be shared and expressed in your sacred space.
- Enjoyment of pleasure/trance – let your partner know your appreciation throughout the session. Share what pleases you and ask what your partner likes.
It’s completely normal that throughout these steps a man’s penis will gain and lose an erection. No big deal. Remember this is about spiritual connection not looking like a porn star or waiting on the money shot. We’re told that semen doesn’t have to be retained, but that the practice of internalizing orgasm helps men last longer and keeps them from falling asleep after sex. By not “spilling” semen, you stay energized, and can possibly use that built up sexual energy to manifest what you desire in life – even material or financial abundance.
In a few weeks there will be a couples or paired friends tantra class, so I’m on the hunt for a partner. I’ll keep you posted ;)