I’ll be sharing a little bit about my work with Peruvian plant medicines Huachuma and Vilca in a future post, as well as solo experimentation with heroic doses of psilocybin mushrooms. In the meantime I thought I’d write a quick update that includes some self-discovery since my time in the jungle.
Without going into details my ability to detect Narcissistic behavior in others is vastly improving. I ended a budding friendship-turned-possible-business relationship within a few weeks versus months or years. I saw plenty of red flags but ignored them because I thought I was connecting with someone on a similar spiritual path. This experience brought to the surface my ego’s need to impress someone I don’t even know, as well as my ego’s need to feel accepted by a man (however toxic), all of which prevented me from speaking my truth. That lack of authenticity and over-extension of my time and energy led to tension and physical pain.
When intense neck pain resurfaced, I did my best to ignore it – hoping it would pass on its own. But when I was unable to sit or stand in front of my computer, drive, prepare meals, meditate or even get a full night’s rest because the pain was shooting down my left shoulder and arm, I was desperate enough for relief to call my old pain specialist to request the standard treatment: a series of cervical nerve blocks or radio-frequency (where the pinched nerves are burned in order to prevent pain signals).
In a strange twist of fate I connected with an incredible massage therapist and healer named Patricia Ann Starr. I could either ignore the coincidence or trust synchronicity and schedule a visit. The outcome of the first two Structural Energy Therapy sessions were mind-blowing, as multiple energy/emotional blockages were dislodged and removed. I found myself sobbing, a deep purge that reminded me of my therapeutic time with Ayahuasca. This week was my eighth session and I have zero neck pain. Range of motion still needs improvement, but I know that will come in time as my body is gently realigned.
During my last psilocybin experience I was reminded of how toxic social media is for me, so the next morning I removed myself from facebook and twitter.
After months of integration I accepted the fact that my lack of authenticity, and my coping skill of putting others’ happiness before my own, is what helped my 26 year relationship last as long as it did. As difficult a decision as it was, my husband and I have lovingly agreed to split. I am forever grateful for the lessons this relationship has taught me.
This week I will be heading to Georgia for a 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreat. I’m looking forward to it even though I know it’s going to be extremely challenging. My goal is quieting the mind (ego), and achieving the states of bliss I experienced while under the influence of Mother Ayahuasca. The idea of having the power within me to reach such realms sober is exciting.
Until then I’m enjoying a book that was mentioned a few times in Kundalini communities called, “The Little Book of Hercules: The Physical Aspects of the Spiritual Path” by William Bodri.
The path of Hercules’ Twelve Labors simply reveals the spiritual gong-fu — a Chinese term for the phenomena or states experienced along the path of seeking spiritual enlightenment. Reading the Twelve Labors can help you to understand the Spiritual Way, and how to cultivate your mind and body for the highest of spiritual achievements.
And now, some Ayahuasca-inspired lyrics by the incredibly talented artist Kyle Bent:
Special thanks to Anna and Carl for providing the featured image – Shipibo tapestry.