Plant Medicines

Self-Discoveries Post Ayahuasca and Psilocybin

Shipibo Tapestry
Shipibo Tapestry (photo via Anya)

I’ll be sharing a little bit about my work with Peruvian plant medicines Huachuma and Vilca in a future post, as well as solo experimentation with heroic doses of psilocybin mushrooms. In the meantime I thought I’d write a quick update that includes some self-discovery since my time in the jungle.

Without going into details my ability to detect Narcissistic behavior in others is vastly improving. I ended a budding friendship-turned-possible-business relationship within a few weeks versus months or years. I saw plenty of red flags but ignored them because I thought I was connecting with someone on a similar spiritual path. This experience brought to the surface my ego’s need to impress someone I don’t even know, as well as my ego’s need to feel accepted by a man (however toxic), all of which prevented me from speaking my truth. That lack of authenticity and over-extension of my time and energy led to tension and physical pain.

When intense neck pain resurfaced, I did my best to ignore it – hoping it would pass on its own. But when I was unable to sit or stand in front of my computer, drive, prepare meals, meditate or even get a full night’s rest because the pain was shooting down my left shoulder and arm, I was desperate enough for relief to call my old pain specialist to request the standard treatment: a series of cervical nerve blocks or radio-frequency (where the pinched nerves are burned in order to prevent pain signals).

In a strange twist of fate I connected with an incredible massage therapist and healer named Patricia Ann Starr. I could either ignore the coincidence or trust synchronicity and schedule a visit. The outcome of the first two Structural Energy Therapy sessions were mind-blowing, as multiple energy/emotional blockages were dislodged and removed. I found myself sobbing, a deep purge that reminded me of my therapeutic time with Ayahuasca. This week was my eighth session and I have zero neck pain. Range of motion still needs improvement, but I know that will come in time as my body is gently realigned.

During my last psilocybin experience I was reminded of how toxic social media is for me, so the next morning I removed myself from facebook and twitter.

After months of integration I accepted the fact that my lack of authenticity, and my coping skill of putting others’ happiness before my own, is what helped my 26 year relationship last as long as it did. As difficult a decision as it was, my husband and I have lovingly agreed to split. I am forever grateful for the lessons this relationship has taught me.

This week I will be heading to Georgia for a 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreat. I’m looking forward to it even though I know it’s going to be extremely challenging. My goal is quieting the mind (ego), and achieving the states of bliss I experienced while under the influence of Mother Ayahuasca. The idea of having the power within me to reach such realms sober is exciting.

Until then I’m enjoying a book that was mentioned a few times in Kundalini communities called, “The Little Book of Hercules: The Physical Aspects of the Spiritual Path” by William Bodri.

The path of Hercules’ Twelve Labors simply reveals the spiritual gong-fu — a Chinese term for the phenomena or states experienced along the path of seeking spiritual enlightenment. Reading the Twelve Labors can help you to understand the Spiritual Way, and how to cultivate your mind and body for the highest of spiritual achievements.

And now, some Ayahuasca-inspired lyrics by the incredibly talented artist Kyle Bent:

Special thanks to Anna and Carl for providing the featured image – Shipibo tapestry.

4 thoughts on “Self-Discoveries Post Ayahuasca and Psilocybin

  1. What you describe as tension in the upper body is often acutely experienced with kundalini awakening. That you were able to have body work done to help release it is very much the path of awakening as a continuous 24/7 phenomenon. It’s clear that this in no way daunts you.

    I know that vipisana has been responsible for an old family friend catalyzing a rise of kundalini, and while I never did yoga or meditation, save for the type of meditation I crafted for myself that was based on my inner energy work, I have found the central thesis for The Secret Of The Golden Flower, a book written in China many centuries ago to be very much on the mark even as it is very different from other methods. It’s core is simple, which is when you get quiet and turn the energy of your intention inward, this energy begins to build until it begins to break down the cognitive barriers to the experience/awareness of the flow of this universal force. Like a dam breaking away we ourselves have built.

    Everyone is blocked in their own way, but as I scan it, the major blocks are heart, and first two chakra points. If you focus in meditation on the first two, over a period of a few weeks, you should begin getting results.

    That said, one method for raising kundalini amongst the Indians was to simply imagine a dual force rising up along the body/spine. This was how Hopi Krishna did it who wrote the classic book in the field of K. Might be that all you need to do is to imagine feeling the bliss from your aya experience. Aya is essentially the same mechanism as kundalini but in an outer plant form. Imagine seeing yourself achieving this. Sometimes it really is that simple.

    Another method is to simply focus on the third eye. No doing, no expectation, just bring the physical eyes to the center point in vision and slightly above a straight-line for focus. I did this after hearing my inner guidance telling me so, not knowing this was considered one very effective way to stimulate the light body and kundalini. And then, you also have the vipisana to go through.

    I tend to feel that deep down we know how to wake up and will be led by forces that will seem utterly miraculous in how they come along at just the right time!

    My best to you in this worthy endeavour!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love these suggestions, thank you!

      I have been feeling those forces you mentioned for quite some time, and I’m finally listening versus thinking/analyzing.

      I’ll be curious to see if my chronic headaches and migraines lessen as I continue to remove toxicity from my life. I have come to accept them as consequences of the childhood habit of stuffing my emotions/feelings down to appease those around me. It’s time to live my life for my higher self and no one else.

      The book I mentioned speaks of “sexual yoga” as an added path to cultivation/purification. I know in my experience intimacy can be an incredible form of meditation (before Ayahuasca it honestly was the only way I could quiet my thoughts). Once I am ready to connect spiritually with another they will have to be open to this practice.

      Thank you again <3

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      1. My auto-correct in my original comment misspelled Gopi Krishna as HOPI Krishna.

        You put your finger on an important aspect of awakening, which is the sexual dimension. It isn’t that sex IS kundalini (as many to my mind incorrectly assert), but that it is one center among many that this living bliss field moves or radiates through as part of the universal consciousness. And so, if you consider just how many hang-ups we all have about our sexuality both directly and indirectly (directly=how we relate to sexual energy , indirectly=our opinions of ourselves and our identities as female or male, how we look, how we do or do not fit in w/ social mores, etc.) then perhaps you can appreciate the mine field this area has become. Cutting through all of this is honesty, the most effective tool for us individually and in relationship. But doing this is not easy. I was not always able to properly see issues clearly in just such a relationship, and it brought that relationship to an end. In a second relationship, it was as though the roles were entirely reversed, almost as though I was given an up close view of how I was unable to see clearly. We take how we feel as truth without carefully examining the beliefs or biases that underpin what is driving us. This is a relentless illumination of our shadow by our inner connective to the realm of light. I’d wager that you will find it identical to aya in its core effects on the self, but running 24/7.

        As an aside, as I was meditating on the issue of aya not long ago, I felt the thought come that homeopathic aya should be a thing for those experiencing awakening who get stuck in the process. It was like a bolt out of the blue; I had never thought of this before…no research….was it even a thing? Turns out that it is indeed a therapy recently developed, and it looks to achieve some of the effects but without the trip effects that go with it (I have a friend who could go into severe dehydration from vomiting for example) and am watching this development with great interest for releasing buried energy in the body.

        Sorry for the yammer!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I love your yammers, so no complaints on my end. And how fascinating regarding a homeopathic approach to Ayahuasca! Perhaps the more “Schedule I” plant medicines we can microdose safely the less of an argument the government would have against them.

        Liked by 1 person

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