After an incredible second ceremony with Ayahuasca, I felt emotionally ready to move beyond forgiveness of myself and others. Next time I would be setting the intention to work on my fears of failure, success, rejection and judgement during my third and final ceremony of this retreat. I will also practice stillness again so that any possible messages from Mother Aya or my guides can come through more clearly.
This morning’s flower bath was shockingly cold, of course, but you soon forget all about that after witnessing the beautiful scene of new friends walking away from the experience one by one with warm smiles of introspection, gratitude, and with such a sense of calm. And as expected, lovely flower petals clinging to their newly doused skin.
There was a moment when walking up to the flower bath house and taking my seat that I heard our Ayahuascero don Rober speaking softly to himself (or perhaps praying to God, his ancestors or spirit guides). I soon realized he was crying the word “Pobrecita,” which translates to ‘poor dear’ in English. It made me wonder what he could see or sense within me that I still need to work on.
As I made my way back to my room – petals falling to the ground – I thought about whether or not I was supposed to wear the petals as long as possible, but soon find out this leads to a messy bedroom and bathroom floor. I decided to clean up a little after changing clothes for breakfast.
During the afternoon, with Ayahuasca still in my veins, I stopped short at the sight of a small lizard on the deck. I crouched down, and as he turned toward me and made eye contact my neck began to fizzle and pop just like in ceremony. Was this little creature helping me reconnect with spirit and continue my healing? I quieted my mind and thought of my new mantra of stillness and forgiveness, but it seemed my new, little friend fell out of trance and scurried away. Thank you, little Shaman.
When I return home I’m going to tease my husband by telling him, “I found someone new while out in the jungle…Me.”